PA WIRELESS NEWSERVICE
IV. XIQ GALA OPENING: THE EVENT
June 1, 2002: We last left our antagonists with…
(bell ringing…clang, clang, clang….Zeno cautiously
circles Epicurus in a crouched wrestling posture—swinging his net…Epicurus keeps out of the way but with mace cocked-back for a quick blow)
REFEREE: FIRST QUESTION!!!
I. SOUL : THIN ATOMS :: THIN ATOMS : ?, ?, ?, AND ?
Before the last “what” is read off by Referee Harold,
Zeno (Cageman) makes a lunge for the RED BUTTON, situated on a pedestal in the center of the Alter of Agony and Ecstasy. A debauched life spend in petty rivalry nd ego-mania has not, however, dulled Epicurus’ (Fabius) reflexes so much that he is prevented from, in fact, cracking Zeno’s head quite middlin’ hard with his cocked mace. Zeno drops like a container of wet cement--blood trickling from his skull wound, out cold as a cold duck.
JOEL: SHHHH-IT, HAIRY!!!! DID YOU SEE THAT??!!!
PA Wireless notes that Hairy gapes in open-mouthed disbelief,
unable to make comment. Epicurus sees that he has dispatched Zeno for the moment. However, Epicurus is unable to resist the temptation to inflict yet more injury. He drags the totally unconscious Zeno, by the feet, over to the Inner Moat and slides him none too gently into the I-GATOR infested waters.
PA Wireless also notes that the heretofore energized crowd is
mostly in the same shape as Hairy. It sits in stunned silence. A couple of small children are heard crying….
Epicurus now initiates the traditional, and very, extremely
important “GLOATING” process. “Moon-walking” (backwards shuffle) and wiggling his pudgy ass back and forth, Epicurus shouts: “I THE MAN!! I THE MAN!! I TOLD YOU I WAS GONNA KICK EPICURUS’ JABRONI BUTT ALL THE WAY DOWN HEAD-INJURY LANE AND PUT HIM SMACK-DOWN IN THE HEARTBREAK HOTEL!!!!”
After ten minutes of gloating, Epicurus “tippy-toes”
over to the RED BUTTON, and in an exaggerated show of fear—looking around at the crowd, putting his hand near the button, pulling his hand back, repeating the process…he finally depresses the buzzer.
EPICURUS: THE ANSWER IS: “MOTILE, QUIESCENT, IGNEOUS,
AND….AND….
The crowd anxiously awaits for Zeno to give the last part of
the answer, but he seems to be having trouble…reading something?? Yes, Zeno appears to be reading something written on his WRIST BAND!!!! (PA Wireless later learned that Dr. Fabius had written down the four key species of “thin atoms” on his wrist band, and was unable to read off the last item, ETHEREAL, as he had sweated through the band’s material during the exhausting “gloating” process. The last word was now illegible)
REFEREE: EPICURUS, ARE YOU ABLE TO ANSWER?? YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS.
EPICURUS: Now, wait just a minute. You gotta give me more time.
I can remember it. Just give me a little more time…
REFEREE: RELEASE THE MINOSMART!!!!!!!!!!
JOEL: HOLY MOTHER OF HERCULES…HAIRY!! HAIRY!! SNAP OUT
OF IT BOY. JESUS…LOOK AT THAT THING!!
Since all eyes had been on Epicurus, the dispatch of Zeno, and
the gloating….nobody noticed it. But, the MINOSMART’S CAGE had risen up from the web of tunnels and chambers beneath the Elysium Field. After the 10 seconds elapsed, HAROLD signaled for the cage to be opened!!!
The MINOSMART stands 12 feet high. MINOSMART has the head of
a Brahma Bull and the body of a man, sorta...
MINOSMART: WHERE ARE THE VIRGIN MAIDENS AND THE TENDER
YOUTHS!!??!!?? I AM VERY HUNGRY. MAIDENS AND YOUTHS ARE MY MEAL. (SNORT, BELLOW, SNORT) …. WHAT DO I SEE HERE??? WHERE ARE MY MAIDENS AND YOUTHS??? WHO IS THIS SORRY SACK OF SHIT YOU TRY TO FEED ME?? I BECOME VERY UPSET. (SNORT, BELLOW, SNORT).
You may be wondering what has been going on with poor Zeno,
during all these doings. If you had been there, you’d have gotten to see it all on the enormous Video Screens. When Zeno’s limp carcass hit the water, he regained consciousness—but was still in a lot of trouble. The I-GATORS were on him before he could climb out of the channel, and he’d been wrestling them for the whole time (most) of our attention was trained on Epicurus and the MINOSMART. We absorbed Zeno’s plight, therefore, peripherally.
NEXT EPISODE….THE CONCLUSION!!!
TO BE CONTINUED…………