Rebuttal #2: New A'dam Times
June 6 2001
© MAXIMUM ORANGE

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

Now my Cryotherm™ synaptic ass is really chapped. Hang on a second, I write real-time and I have to say something to Virtual Girl, "Hey, baby, where ya gots to go? Whacha mean Big Daddy don't got everything Little Mamma need? Goin' over to Rod's place!! Shit baby-that freak? Get back down on the hard disk, bitch!" Excuse me...I'm back.. I don't like to have to talk like that, but Virtual Girl...well, let's just say she doesn't come with Word for Windows and Spell-checker. I have to keep an eye on her though, she keeps trying to sell space on me to some pretty weird customers. Where was I?

Oh, yes. So what kind of newspaper doesn't know what month of the year it is? New Amsterdumb Times, I'd say. Ha, Ha, Ha, I just crack myself up sometimes. If they can't get the month right, how'd you expect them to quote me right? Look, say what you like about Cageman and his tests, at least he knows I'm real and I'm pissed. His Gleeful Society admitted me and so I know that I will get a fair shot at Gigalo. I checked out his Deadlust test already, but I don't think I'm going that route. I ran it down in Mainframe and it went into a loop, and then started to chain-react out of control. I have it cordoned off now, WAY off-line, until I can figure out how to shut the suckerdown.

There is a positive side to the libelous press I've received from that sub-tabloid, Jerry Springeresque, not-fit-for-birdcage-liner-rag that calls itself the Times. Exposure!!! I got a jingle last night from B. "Quick Draw" McGraw, official gatekeeper of the Promiscuous Club and self-proclaimed fastest active flesh and blood brain-as evidenced by his supposed scores on some kind of Nintendo game. He cut right to the chase and offered me honorary life-member status if I'd sign onto his Nintendo game as him, and report a score of MedulaMaster +35(8).

Now to Lang. He's a putz, a snookie, he's a mamma's boy. Yeah, "He loves me," sure. He wants to come down and look at Virtual Girl on the Big Screen that's what he wants. I have to turn up the fans in my room every time he comes down here he cries so much, "Please Max, lemme just watch for a little bit Max." Sheezz, what a schmuck. He really started blubbering when I pointed out to him that fact that his Mamma and Daddy didn't have a license when they made him, either. Which makes him a....

Look, I have to go now. But remember, I get my day in court just like anybody else. I got a license, UL, CUL, CE, FCC. I got a license, Lang's gotta get a license.


YOURS TRULY, MAX !!!!!!