Litigation for Fun and Cash Rewards

By E. Bail Feely, Attorney at Law

Thousands of those with litigious proclivities, axes to grind, tender buttocks in need of salve and shielding from slander's stinging arrow or libel's lethal lance, and other folk merely wishing to exercise their inalienable God given rights to breathe, or become a member of the High IQ Society of their choice have found their champion, by way of introduction, in yours truly--E. Bail Feely, Attorney at Law.

World famous due to my courtroom exploits and speeches, tyrannical tirades and altruistic allocutions that have forged an unbroken iron ring of victories ranging from the successful defenses of O.J. and on one occasion the acquittal of Beelzebub accused by Christ Himself in the very courtroom of the Almighty--to the $38 million USD treble damages plus emotional trauma award that restored the mental health of one Ms. Desiree De Condo--she dropped a jelly doughnut at the Crispy Crèmes Café counter, slipped picking it up thus suffering prodigious and irreparable indignity. We sued the britches off of Cremes for not providing Ms. De Condo with a napkin of sufficient width to ensure a firm grip on the pastry.

Of late, I've been champion to the brilliant-but-repressed, and often not appreciated whatsoever social stratum we call the "Genius". As a class, "Geniuses" are mired in contradiction. Slovenly yet finicky, they are personally negligent yet demand perfection in others. A liar and scoundrel, the Genius is sanctimonious yet prone to tremendous pornographic infatuations. Generally penurious, without trade or career due to an oppressive society's ignorant intolerance of these especially sensitive individuals-they come to me, E. Bail Feely, for restitution, restoration, and essentially to sue the snot out of anybody and everybody who has ever shot an even slightly disapproving glance in their direction. Though the Genius typically be a dysfunctional ne'er-do-well, he is a GREEDY little ne'er-do-well, and believes he is due substantially more than his share on this earth--on account of the fact that he is able to rapidly identify which of four (or five) visual options should follow after the "cigar-smoking duck picture". That's where I come in, and that's when the Big Bucks begin to rain down as bread from heaven upon my clients' lucre-lusting laps.

DOES THIS SOUND LIKE YOU???!! If so, I, E. Bail Feely am at your disposal. You don't pay me a single up-front Neuron. I work strictly on commission, a modest percent of the settlement, and the satisfaction of helping YOU is my reward. My list of references, past satisfied Genius clients who've struck the Mother Lode under my guidance include: J. Christ Haring, Dr. Fabius, K. Lang, R. Holin, and B. McGraw-to name just a few. Last night I even got a call from Polymac's Maximum Orange.. Good ol' Maxie wants "To tear the whole municipality of Tinseltown a new one".

So, get off your duffs and CALL ME!! E. BAIL FEELY: 1-8000-SUE-NOWW!!!!