Deeds II - The Last Solution

T. Gazette Note: We skip now over some thirty-seven minutes of conversation. The conspirators Lagman and Hirsh make the determination that they lack the (internal personal) intestinal fortitude for homicide. Exhausting a long list of peers and "sub-peers", candidates perhaps "up to" the task, they settle on K. Lang. "He's vindictive, he's pissed at Cageman, he's certifiably psychotic, and best of all-easy to manipulate". Elation is crushed, however, when they recall that Lang is indeed either blown to Kingdom Come, or else not feeling well.

LAGMAN: How about that junior high school kid-the smart one? After all, its like an epidemic these days....unhappy loser-kid wastes half the Algebra I class.

HIRSH: No go, Lagy. His parents are pacifists. No guns in the house. That's the only way anybody would believe it, kid's gotta get the piece off his parents. 'Sides, how would we get him all the way over to the Hinterlands?

Wait a minute, Rod, I think I'm getting it. Yes, it just might-no, it will work!!

What?! What?!

Cageman thinks he's smarter'n'us, right?


Cageman, in fact, thinks he is smartest sonofabitch ever lived, right?

Right! I hate him too!!

Wrong! There IS one person Cageman thinks is smarter'n'him-some dude he calls Thoth, and with whom he claims to be in communication... like, from another time zone, or zip code or something like that. Cageman has set up this whole Society around this guy, who only exists in his own mind. There is NOBODY EVEN IN THIS SOCIETY, 'CAUSE ONLY THOTH CAN GET IN. He believes in this guy, but he doesn't believe in this guy. He sets the scoring on his tests such that this guy who he doesn't believe in can get into the Society with nobody in it-IF he gets all the questions right on the test.

Lagy, didn't we already go down this blind alley?

As you like to say Rod, yes and no. We know that WE can't figure out his tests, but that doesn't mean somebody else can't.

Really, I thought we were the very smartest guys on the planet.

Don't be a putz, Rod.

Eric Hart?

Rod, I thought I told you NEVER TO....

Jesus, Lagy, I was just joking.

Okay, just don't do it again, ever. Now, we just gotta find this guy. But, he has to be a normie. You know, somebody with some menial job like ditch digging, or a glorified accountant who got his degree off a box of cornflakes. We find this guy, he takes the test and gets a 100% and then flies over to the Hinterlands to meet Cageman and claim the title. Thoth, smartest dude that ever lived, certified by Cageman himself!!! Before Cageman ever meets this guy, he's already flippin'-questioning himself, generally freakin' out. Are you getting this Rod?

All ears Lagy.

The big day arrives, Rod. Thoth comes a knockin'. Cageman opens the door and there stands our Thoth. After palavering 'bout twenty seconds with this boy, Cageman sees that he's a just a average dip-shit.

What happens then, Lagy?

You really are a jackass, aren't you Rod? CAGEMAN SPINS COMPLETELY OUT OF HIS ALREADY HYPER-AGITATED NEUROTIC MIND!!! He's met his Thoth, and the guy's a wanker!!! No more Cageman, no more bad press, goodbye aspersions cast, hello wood-sprite retreats. Don't you see, it's perfect.

Lagy, you are a GENIUS!




Where are we going to find this guy?

T. Gazette Note: The conversation was now interrupted by yet another long silence, broken only by HIRSH calling out, "Lagy? Lagy?" With what sounded like a gunshot followed by a thud, the recording ended.