Untitled Writing #5

Heather J. Kintyre

"Howdy, folks! I represent these fine people here behind me. We're your friendly con artists here at Paranoia Unlimited. I'm the owner of this fine establishment. It was built entirely from illegally gained money from innocent folks just like yourself. You have a lot to be embarrassed over in allowing our kind to take advantage of you.

Knowing how you'll never change, and there'll always be business for us, I took it upon myself to let you know that we're running a special this month here at Paranoia Unlimited. This is the 20th anniversary of this fine company and so we're running a special discount rate just as our way of saying thanks for being so stupid and keeping those like us in business.

It's a twenty percent discount that puts more money in your pocket, and less in ours. If your net worth is say a million dollars, we'll only rip you off of $800,000.00 instead of the entire million. More than that, we'll teach you along the way the hard lesson of having been ripped off so no one but a pro can ever take you again. Now that's a deal you can't refuse. So come on down and join the party, folks! It's a real celebration we're having here at your expense. So come on down!