ACME IQ CORPORATION exists to SERVE YOU! You know you're smart as a whip, and ACME IQ knows it too! Why won't anybody believe you? In fact, you MAY be a Super Genius - just like Wile E - but still nobody gives you your due!
THE PROBLEM: ACME knows that you don't really care how smart you are. Do you? 'Course not!! You respect each individual for their own level of intelligence, you know that the Universe(s) aren't interested in such things - in fact the Ultimate Reality isn't interested in anything at all - and there is no purpose to anything - but WE/YOU ARE JUST STUCK WITH ILLUSORY CONSTRUCT OF RELATIVE SUCCESS BECAUSE IT IS NECESSARY FOR SURVIVAL AND PROCREATION (we'll get to that later).
THE SOLUTION: It's simple. You don't have the credentials, the proof! Think about it. You encounter a few Smart folk and many Dolts on a daily basis. The Smart people get no respect, and the Dolts seem to running the show. The folk you know to be imbeciles get job promotions and money - and you get shit - right? Well, ACME exists to level the playing field, or maybe make the other fellow have to trudge uphill to get to your position. ACME is here to GET YOU THE CREDENTIALS YOU NEED FOR SUCCESS!!!
WHY NOT JUST TAKE THE TESTS? Why spend hours, days, weeks, or months doing a test that will tell you what you already know??!! Get the Credential and be DONE WITH IT IN MINUTES WE SAY!! Psychologist-proctored exams are EXPENSIVE - and besides - you never do as well as you know you should have. ACME UNDERSTANDS THIS!!!
ACME IQ IN A NUTSHELL:
1. ACME EXISTS TO SERVE YOU, we require only a small fee to cover our up front expenses, and later just a small percent of you future earnings. You don't earn anything, we get nothing.
2. Provides a team of Specialists to COUNSEL you on the best IQ level for your desired life-goal, and planning for your making the appropriate introduction of your newfound evidentiary material.
3. Provides you with Evidentiary Certificates of Accreditation.
4. Has 24-7 Hotline to answer 3rd party requests for verification.
5. Employs BOARD CERTIFIED PSYCHOLOGISTS LICENSED to issue scores on the following:
- Stanford Binet (all versions)
- WAIS (all versions)
- And many, many others!!
6. We have a staff of five (5) "Reproduction" Specialists, all personally trained by the Master Currency Imitator "Lefty" Anselmo Brazilio.
7. ACME has "Rebate" contracts with all the major "non-standard" IQ Testers:
- And many, many others!!
TESTIMONIAL FROM A SATISFIED CUSTOMER!!!
Dear Unhappy Smart Persons,
My name is Raoul Maximillion. I used to be a miserable, pathetic loser. Even though I had a set of fabulously high Childhood IQ scores: 279 IQ on the Pee-wee Puzzler, 99.999998 percent on the Minnesota Infant Multi-Tasker.
And, even though I started talking at two months of age (I said, "Mama, it seems to me that very large numbers present us with a vast universe of unexpected difficulties.").... no one gave a rat's ass about any of this when I grew up!! Noooo... it was just stuff like: "Who is this pompous ass?" "Why hasn't he don't anything since he was seven years old?"I wanted to take another "Official" test, but you know the ones given by Psychologists are so EXPENSIVE..AND DON'T REALLY SHOW MY TRUE LEVEL - UNLIKE THE GOOD EXAMS I HAD AS A CHILD!!
What about Cooijmans, Hoeflin, and such? Well, have you looked at those things? They take weeks or months to complete!! I had to have two jobs just to live, I just didn't have the time.
Thank the fourth dimension I found ACME IQ!!! They UNDERSTOOD ME!!! Right off, for only a small fee I got the counseling I needed for what level IQ was best, and how to inject those new credentials into my life NATURALLY. The team of specialist helped me select the right tests, produced the documents, worked with me on an affordable success-based income sharing payment scheme, and gave me several, twenty-four hours a day seven days a week (24-7) "post-doc" authentication plans.
My life has totally turned around. Even women like me now, I'm even procreating. It's a 180. Ha, Ha - and that's the IQ I finally selected. THANK YOU ACME IQ!!!!!!
Professor Raoul Maximillion
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?: Call us today: 1-919-AIQ-SMRT
Or see web: www.getsmart.org Or write:
ACME IQ CORP
PO BOX 180
ATTN: WILE E. COYOTE