The Ultimate Sleep

© 1999 Paul Cooijmans

VI Wendy - Eric Hart

At the doorway of her house on Short Peninsula Dr Hölin said good-bye to his ladyfriend Wendy, whom he visited every Friday at three sharp. "Wait, I see a few hiding in your ears...", the girl stopped him. "Well, you know what they say", the good doctor smiled as Wendy carefully removed the last crawling ants, "once a philosopher..." "...twice a pervert" she replied, while the erudite man began to walk the 225 blocks back to his flat in Heaven's Dining Room, and returned to her capitonized basement.

Barely had the doctor entered his living room or a click sounded. "Hezbollah!" A man jumped up from behind Dr Hölin's designer sofa. "Can I help you?", the learned IQ tester asked, sweet-natured and eager to please. "Quick! Give me the full name and address of your top scorer! The world's smartest man. You know, the aerobics instructor/nuclear physicist!"

"Why? What do you want from him?" "To make us an atomic bomb! If we can't have Jerusalem, neither will the Jews. And don't you cat-mew me!" "Quiet, Little Boy, good people!", Dr Hölin reassured his mushroom-eating cat. "I'm deeply sorry, but for privacy reasons I cannot..." With a piercing racket the philosopher's precious crystal statue of Argus, inlaid with 48 emeralds for eyes, disintegrated."You were saying?" The activist blew over his AK-47's barrel as the empty shells rattled on the good psychometrician's floor mosaic. "On the other hand, one should not be more Catholic than the Pope..." With pain in his heart Dr Hölin surrendered the address of his old and dear friend Eric Hart, all time top dog on the Megalom Test.

_ _ _

Born with a silver spoon in his mouth, pulling down a hundred million in dividends and occupying a fifty-grand-a-month penthouse overlooking Central Garden - the very park where as a child he used to play with his beloved father - , Eric really needn't work at all. His daily aerobics class for the ladies of Evening Glow was by all means a labor of love. His students adored the baby-faced little fellow with his immaculate white skin; Eric, in turn - his self-avowed major weakness - thoroughly enjoyed the company of these elder women. How he loved to explain them his theory on achieving universal peace, sublimated in the friendly maxim Do Good By Real Kindness, or DGBRK - pronounced "dog-bark".

This particular day after class, his most loyal pupils had escorted the nuclear physicist to the door and watched him jump up and down in desperate attempts to leave the building. With tearstained eyes little Eric's geriatric friends finally came to the rescue by rolling their electric wheelchairs up behind him, so as to put enough weight on the floor to make the automatic door of the old people's home go off.