THE TINSELTOWN GAZETTE OCTOBER 13 2001
Story Courtesy of PA Wireless--Athens, Greece
Dr. P. A. John W. Cageman, alias John Cageman, aka "The Juicer", founder of the Gigalo High Intellect Society, rap musician, designer of "WEIRD" intelligence examinations, and author of the best selling "Dangerous Mating Habits of the Dugong" was taken arrested yesterday in mid-interrogative while giving his "Socratic Lecture Series #3", held proximate to the Parthenon ruin. It seems that Dr. Cageman has ran afoul of famed attorney E. Bail Feely, currently under retainer of Polymac Systems' Superintelligent Computer, Maximum Orange. The authorities released Cageman for "lack of sufficient evidence, and because he was driving the other inmates 'bonkers' with his 'bizarre analogies'", said night court Justice Olivia Oile. Later Oile was heard to say, "Whew, I hope I don't see that (demented) man back in my court. He insisted on defending himself-in the 'Socratic' style-kept asking me to 'Define the Nature of Justice'". Cageman was initially taken into custody on a bench warrant issued by Judge Stephanopolo Rito. Rito: "Okay, I was premature and I should have looked it up in THE CIVILIAN CODE-pedestrian
applications of the English Language outside the bounds of good taste do not constitute jay-walking."
According to Feely, "Max picked me because I'm the best.
I've never lost a case and I don't intend to lose this one. Dr. Cageman, John Cageman, "The Juicer", or whoever he may be at the time is not going to intimidate my client. Max is probably one of sweetest, most innocent, gentlest, and philanthropic Supercomputers you or I are ever going to meet. He doesn't deserve any of 'THIS'. I knew the jay-walking rap wouldn't stick. This was just to let the slime-ball know we are here and there's no where he can hide-not even behind that bad-knock-off himation he was wearing at his phony-baloney lecture."
At that juncture, this reporter attempted to further query Mr.
Feely. What was it that Dr. Cageman was supposed to have done? What "case", if any? "No comment, premature and inappropriate to talk about it at this time. We're just letting Cageman know we mean business, and that WE'LL BE SEEING HIM IN COURT", said Feely.
Dr. Cageman was unavailable for comment. However, it was reported
that he'd exchanged his himation for a chiton and caught the last flight out of Athens bound for Finland.